Mostly a Comedy
Warning: sexual themes, vulgarity, violence, explicit language.
Kevin Bishop (Kv): 17. Shannon’s only son. School-smart. Cheery disposition. Clothes monkey.
Blake Weatherly (Bk): 17. Robert’s only son. Swears too much. Kind of cranky. Good cook. Fan of Douglas Adams.
Robert Weatherly (Rb): 42. Never married. Sweet guy. Treats his son like a person. Big fan of pet names
Shannon Weatherly (Sh): 40. Divorced. Victim of domestic abuse. Is feeling better now. Wants the best for her new family.
Beverly Jonsie (Bv): 17. Kevin’s best friend. Rides a motorcycle.
Peter Frasier (Pt): 16. Blake’s best friend. Effeminate. Loud and boisterous.
Cheryl White (Ch): 15. Blake’s other best friend. Peter’s girlfriend. Sassy and motherly.
Kyle Frasier (Ky): 20. Peter’s brother. Also loud and boisterous.
(Open. A bedroom with two beds. Blake sleeps in one of them. At least two beats pass before Kevin enters.)
Kv: Blake. Blake? Blake! (Blake sits up begrudgingly.)
Bk: Fuck, Kevin, what do you want?
Kv: The prologue.
Bk: The what?
Kv: The. Prologue.
Bk: They can figure it out for themselves.
Bk: Kevin! (Kevin glares at him. Blake sighs and readjusts.) Fine. I’m not getting up.
Kv: I don’t care where you do it, I just care that you do it.
Bk: Okay. I’m Blake Weatherly, and that’s Kevin Bishop. He and I had been, I wouldn’t call it dating,
Kv: Neither would I.
Bk: We’d been whatever you call spontaneous blowjobs in school closets and cars and shit for about two months when my dad, Robert Weatherly, got a new girlfriend, this nice lady named Shannon Bishop. Six months later, she’d been all my dad could talk about for a week. He asked her to marry him. She said yes. Two months later, we were celebrating both a wedding and a sorta-kinda anniversary type thing.
Bk: A little more background on Shannon? She divorced her first husband after he went to jail for nearly beating her and her kid to death. I’m not exaggerating.
Kv: Yes he is.
Bk: No I’m not. Anyway, it’s been three months since the wedding and now dad’s all geared up for a fancy monthaversery meal.
Kv: He made her favorite breakfast and everything.
Bk: My dad’s the lovey-dovey type, the kind you see in really bad rom-coms. He’s a sweet guy.
Kv: I think that’s why my mom fell for him so fast.
Bk: Is there anything we’re leaving out?
Kv: I don’t think so.
Bk: Good, now can I please go back to sleep?
Kv: Nope. (He’s been inching toward the bed for the entire conversation, and now he climbs in with Blake and kisses him. This continues to passion as the lights change. Scene1 has begun)
Kv: Good morning.
Bk: Morning. Happy Saturday.
Kv: How’d you sleep?
Bk: Well. Dreamt of you and Ellen Page.
Bk: Yeah. You sleep well?
Kv: Just fine. No dreams.
Bk: That’s too bad.
Kv: Who needs dreams when you’re in my reality?
Bk: Are you aware of how sappy that was?
Kv: Did it on purpose, actually.
Bk: Oh really?
Kv: It’s no secret I like messing with you.
Bk: Haha, Kevin is so funny. Now, get into your own bed before dad comes in here to call us for breakfast. (Kevin moves to switch beds, but instead sits in the edge of Blake’s) Dude. Complete the task.
Kv: How you do think he’d react? Robert, I mean.
Bk: To what?
Bk: He’d fall over.
Kv: And what about when he got back up?
Bk: He’d fall over again. Doesn’t take shock well, poor guy.
Kv: I think mom would take it well.
Bk: You haven’t even told her you’re bi yet.
Kv: I know…
Bk: Don’t you think that should come first? Baby steps grasshopper.
(Kevin is about to reply when there is knocking. He jumps into his own bed. The boys pretend to be asleep as Robert enters.)
Rb: Up and at ‘em, you two. Big day!
Bk&Kv: (With varied amounts of enthusiasm) Yeah, three months, three months, woo-hoo.
Rb: Come on, you two, outta bed. (The boys swing their legs over their beds. Robert leaves, trusting that they’ll be at breakfast on time. The boys kiss once more before exiting. Blackout.)
(A kitchen. The family is enjoying a nice breakfast. Shannon and Robert lean against each other affectionately.)
Sh: All of this was really unnecessary.
Rb: I disagree whole-heartily, darling.
Sh: You didn’t have to make a fuss.
Rb: Shannie, baby, I wanted to. I love you and I wanted to do something special for you.
Bk: So quit whining and eat.
Sh: No, it’s okay. He’s right. I really do sound ungrateful.
Rb: You sound modest. (He kisses her forehead.)
Bk: Do you guys have to be so adorable all the time?
Rb: It’s in our contract. You two make homecoming plans yet?
Sh: Kevin’s going with this nice girl named Beverly.
Kv: Yeah, uh, she’s a friend and she asked me, so,
Sh: They’re best friends. I’m hoping he’ll finally ask her to be his girlfriend.
Kv: Bev’s not really the kind of girl you ask that question.
Rb: What about you, Blake?
Bk: Tagging along with Cheryl and Pete.
Sh: Your friends from that club?
Bk: Not so much a club as it is me, Cheryl, and Pete listening to internet music in Pete’s garage.
Rb: You’re really just going to third wheel it on homecoming?
Bk: How else will our tricycle work properly?
Rb: Why don’t you go with that girl you went out with a couple weeks ago? What was her name? Nina?
Bk: Fuck you.
Rb: What’s wrong with her? She seemed nice.
Bk: She was annoying.
Kv: We’re talking about Nina Remirez?
Kv: It’s not really fair to call her annoying just because of her deviated septum.
Bk: It’s not the voice that bothered me. It was the things she used it to say, and wouldn’t stop saying. I think I got three words in edge wise on both of our dates.
Kv: They can’t all be Ellen Page.
Sh: Is she your celebrity crush?
Bk: Why is that a question? Have you heard Ellen Page talk about stuff she cares about?
Kv: Her Twitter is brilliant.
Bk: He’s not exaggerating.
(The family laughs.)
Sh: Robert, Kev, Blake. (They all focus on her) I just… I just want to tell you three how much I love you. And I how happy I am to be a part of this family. I’m so glad that we’re all getting along as well after so little time. Especially you two boys; you’ve really grown to love each other the past few months and I’m so, so happy. You really do love each other like brothers.
(Kevin and Blake glance at each other, their expressions mixes of concern and the face you make when you try not to laugh.)
Rb: Are you two alright?
Kv: (Awkwardly) Yes!
Bk: (Smooth) Just fine.
(Later that morning. Robert and Shannon alone in the kitchen.)
Sh: This really was such a nice thing to do. I didn’t even think of getting you something. I’m sorry.
Rb: It’s alright, honey, you don’t need to get me anything. Besides, three months is the one-sided breakfast surprise anniversary.
Sh: What’s four months? So I’ll be prepared.
Rb: The mutual backrub anniversary, if I’m not mistaken.
Sh: Okay. That’s manageable. (Laughter) Robert.
Rb: Yes, honey?
Sh: I love you so much.
Rb: I love you too, darling. (Beat. Lovey-dovey oogey-gooey) Shannie?
Rb: Did you mean what you said about the boys? About how they were becoming brothers?
Sh: Yes. You can't see the connection they have? The bond they're forming? And after only a few months. I think it's a sign that this family is really going to work.
Rb: It's really reassuring to hear you say that.
Sh: Why? Do you think something's wrong?
Rb: Have you ever gotten an uneasy feeling around them? A sort of deceptive vibe... I think they're keeping something from us. Something big.
Sh: Kevin is bisexual.
Sh: He thinks I don't know, but I've sort of always known. A mother's intuition. Maybe that's it. Maybe Kevin's come out to Blake and they're keeping it a secret until Kevin’s ready to come out to us… you would be okay with that, wouldn’t you?
Rb: Of course I would; and I hope you’re right and I’m just over reacting.
Sh: You’re only paranoid because you love them. (They begin to clear the table. Blake enters.)
Bk: Hey, guys, I’ll take care of this stuff, you go do what couples do on anniversaries.
Sh: And what would that be?
Bk: You know, that thing.
(Robert whispers something to Shannon. She giggles like a virgin, then exits.)
Rb: Thanks for taking care of the dishes, B.
Bk: No problem, dad. Shannon’s waiting for you.
Rb: Never mind. (He exits. Kevin enters.)
Bk: Sup. Help with these?
(The boys carry the dishes to the sink counter and stand behind it as they wash them.)
Kv: You like Ellen Page for her views?
Kv: Passion turns you on?
Bk: The whole knowing where you stand and voicing your opinions on said things and shit thing. Definitely hot.
Kv: Would you like to discuss the uselessness of the United States’ one-cent coin with me?
Bk: You don’t have to do that.
Kv: Do what?
Bk: Try to turn me on. You do that anyway.
Bk: Shut up.
Kv: Look who’s all romantic.
Bk: Fuck off. (Kevin kisses him and then sinks to his knees.) Man, your mom walks in, it’s not my fault. (Beat. Kevin stands back up again.)
Kv: Hey. (Blake is visibly disappointed and annoyed.)
Kv: Are we exclusive?
Kv: Are we exclusive? I mean, if me and Bev want to get it on after homecoming,
Bk: One- How can we be sexually exclusive when we don't have actual sex, and Two- fuck no!
Kv: I just wanted to run it by you.
Bk: You don't have to run anything by me, Kev.
Kv: I felt like I should.
Bk: Slay all the pussy you want, Kevin. (Kevin laughs) If you wouldn't mind?
Kv: Right. Sorry. (He drops down again. Blackout)
(Outside of Kevin and Blake’s house. Blake is standing looking at his watch. Cheryl and Pete enter.)
Pt: Hi Blake! (He hugs him)
Bk: Hey, man.
Ch: Where’s Kevin?
Bk: Still getting ready. There was a crease out of place. (Cheryl and Peter gasp dramatically.)
Ch: I feel your pain, B. I was in this one’s living room for twenty minutes while he sculpted his hair.
Pt: Excuse me. I was applying my foundation, thank you.
Ch: Either way you left me alone with your mother all that time.
Ch: Yeah, she thinks I’m a beard.
Ch: That’s what I said. Then I just began to nod and smile. She kept going on and on about how even thought I think I’m being a good friend by helping him “keep his secret”, I’m only inhibiting his sexuality and keeping him from truly accepting himself for who he really is.
Pt: My mama be crazy.
(Kevin enters. Peter wraps him in a hug.)
Ch: No, Peter, you might wrinkle his suit jacket! (Peter recoils in (mostly) mock worry)
Kv: Very funny.
Ch: We’re only teasing. Are we picking up Beverly?
Kv: No, she just replaced something on the Harley and wants to see how it rides now. I can’t get on the back of that thing without throwing up, so we agree to meet at the dance.
Pt: How efficient of you.
Ch: Very efficient.
Pt: Very very.
Ch: Extremely very.
Pt: Very ex,
Bk: Okay, let’s get going before you two rot any more of my teeth, shall we?
(They begin walking. Blackout.)
(Homecoming. A lively song is playing. Cheryl and Peter are dancing like absolute fools. Blake is dirty dancing with a number of other boy and girls. Kevin and Beverly are the only ones of the group attempting to have rhythm. As the scene progresses, we see Blake switch partners several times and Beverly and Kevin sneak off.)
Pt: Do you think I'm girly?
Ch: I think you’re effeminate.
Ch: (laughing) You didn't know that before? (Not laughing) Peter? Are you okay?
Pt: I can be a man for you, baby.
Ch: You mean you can be masculine?
Pt: Do you want that? Is that what you would like from me?
Ch: Pete, you are a man. You’re my man. You’re just not masculine.
Pt: But I can be masculine if you want me to be.
Ch: Peter! I want you. You the way you are. The Peter I fell in love with is silly and flamboyant and pulls off of the same rack as me when we go shopping. I love that you’re feminine. I love that you’re loud and shriek-y. I love that you love shopping and makeup. I love those things about you.
Pt: Love. You said you loved those things. You said you’re in love with me.
Ch: I, I am. I’m in love with you, Peter.
Pt: I love you too, Cheryl. (They hug close and begin swaying back and forth as the already fast-paced song changes to an even more obnoxious one. Blackout)
(An empty classroom. Beverly and Kevin are on the desk in varied states of undress. Kevin happy. Beverly is contemplating.)
Kv: Wow. Can I say wow, or is that really sleazy? ...Bev? You okay?
Kv: Are you okay?
Bv: I'm fine.
Kv: (Panicked) Um, Bev.
Kv: I didn't just take your virginity did I? Oh man, I, oh man, I'm being totally insensitive right now, but,
Bv: Kev, relax. I've had sex before.
Kv: Oh. Okay... sorry about that, it's just, you should really lose your virginity to someone you really care about.
Bv: I do care about you, Kevin, you're one of my best friends.
Kv: Oh. Seriously? You're one of my best friends too Bev. I like how both of us thought our friendship was one-sided.
Bv: I didn't think we were one-sided.
Bv: I lost it at camp actually.
Kv: Cliché much.
Bv: Yeah, I know. I was fifteen, we were really close even before camp, and we talked about it and decided, and... it was really nice.
Kv: How unique.
Bv: Oh shut up.
Kv: What happened?
Bv: He's gay.
Kv: That sucks. You weren't his “I’ll force myself to be straight” were you?
Bv: No, no, he just hadn't realized it yet. Everything turned out alright though, we're still friends.
Kv: Oh, cool.
Kv: So what?
Bv: How'd you lose yours? I told my story.
Kv: Oh! Um, well, do you remember Beatrice Seelie?
Bv: Wasn't she was prom queen our freshman year?
Bv: No way.
Kv: Way. See, I was just as tall freshman year as I am now and I was taking eleventh grade math and science, and a lot of people thought I was older, and I got invited to all the upperclassman parties. I didn't really go to any of them,
Kv: But this one time, my mom was at work and I didn't wanna be home alone with my dad,
Bv: The arrest wouldn’t have happen until that summer, right?
Bv: Okay, timetable established. Continue.
Kv: Anyway, I went to this party and I ended up dancing with Beatrice and she got horny and pulled me off the dance floor.
Bv: What!? This is ridiculous!
Bv: And I like how you said that so matter-of-factly, too. Just “She got horny”.
Kv: That’s how she explained it to me.
Bv: What?! Did she know you were a freshman?
Kv: I didn't think she did, but halfway up Kyle Lambert's stairs she asked me if I was looking forward to sophomore year.
Bv: What?! You are kidding me right now. This is not true.
Kv: It is. The prom queen popped my freshman cherry.
Bv: Did she cum?
Kv: Yes, but I'm pretty sure that was mostly her doing. I was basically her fourteen year old dildo.
Bv: So much better than my story.
Bv: Hey Blake. Did Kevin really lose it to Beatrice Seelie freshman year?
Bk: Hey, Bev. Yes. Get out.
Bv: Zip me up. (Kevin helps her finished dressing. She hugs him and then Blake before exiting. Blake lunges at Kevin almost violently and kisses him.)
Bk: Shit, I want you. (He begins to drop down. Kevin stops him.)
Kv: I'm not really up to snuff right now.
Bk: Oh, right. Duh. A horny mind is a cloudy one. Good sex?
Bk: Why risk breaking in here? Were all the closets booked up?
Kv: This is Mrs. Greenlin’s room.
Bk: That demon trig teacher you’re always on about?
Kv: The very same.
Bk: I like it. (He moves in for another kiss, Kevin stops him)
Kv: If you want me, I can,
Bk: No, you went down on me first last time.
Kv: We don't have to take turns all the time
Bk: I know, but I want to.
Kv: I don’t mind.
Bk: I do, though. It’s okay, we can wait.
Kv: You should tell that to your cock.
Bv: You guys, chaperones! (The boys scramble to get Kevin dressed and the two of them out of the door)
Bk: Oh fuck.
Kv: Son of a mother.
Bk: What? Kevin, you can say bitch.
Kv: No thanks.
Bk: Say bitch.
Bk: I’m gonna get you to swear.
(They exit. Blackout)
(Blake and Kevin’s bedroom after the dance. They are both halfway between pajama and dance attire. They are cuddled up on Blake’s bed surrounded by blankets and pillows. They are close and kiss frequently throughout this scene)
Bk: I'm gonna make you swear.
Kv: Not happening.
Bk: Is so.
Kv: I don't swear, Blake.
Bk: Just do it once. For me.
Bk: Come on, you said cock.
Kv: Cock is a euphemism, not profanity.
Bk: It is kind of. You’re almost there.
Kv: So cock is my gateway drug? That sounded so wrong.
Bk: Yes it did. Say fuck.
Bk: Say fuck!
Bk: Just once, say. Fuck.
Kv: I like you.
Bk: Don't change the subject.
Kv: But I do. I really like you, Blake. (He leans forward and pushes Blake down against the bed so he's looking down at him.)
Bk: I like you too.
Kv: I like 'dis part. (He presses his palms against Blake's chest.)
Bk: 'Dat part?
Kv: 'Dis part. 'S my favorite part. 'S da best part.
Bk: I like 'dis part. (He touches Kevin's face.)
Kv: ‘Dat's your favorite part?
Bk: You're beautiful. (Beat. Shannon enters.)
(Blackout. Director may choose to end act one with this scene or with the next one. There should be an intermission either way.)
(The kitchen. Kevin and Blake sit far away from each other. Shannon paces. Robert stands near Blake’s chair and looks over at Kevin’s)
Sh: You should have seen it, Robert. It was disgusting! It was reprehensible! It was ludicrous! And in our house!
Rb: I’m still confused.
Sh: You shut up, you disrespectful lout!
Rb: Shannie, please, calm down.
Sh: Robert, do not tell me to calm down! One of my children is a sexual deviant and it is my other child’s fault! I will not calm down!
Rb: I don’t think we should blame anyone,
Sh: Do not defend them! Do not defend this!
Rb: Defend what, Shannie?
Bk: We aren’t related.
Sh: I told you to shut up!
Bk: And I ignored you.
Sh: Why you little,
Kv: Mommy, please, you’re scaring me.
Sh: You keep quiet too, brat!
Sh: Listen, you two are going to stop this disgusting activity, or you’re both out! You understand me!? Out on the street!
Rb: Shannie, you can’t make that decision by yourself,
Sh: Oh yes I can, but I shouldn’t have to! You’re supposed to be on my side!
Rb: And why is that?
Sh: Because you have standards, or at least I thought you did. If you’re okay with this going on in our house then you’re not the man I thought you were, Robert Weatherly.
Rb: Blake is my son, and I adopted Kevin after we were married. You can’t kick them out, they’re not just yours. They’re ours, so we would have to make that kind of decision together. (Takes a chair from the kitchen table.) Here, baby, please, sit. Sit and calm down. I want to hear the boys’ half of the story.
Rb: Shannie, darling, it’s only right. Please, sit. (She sits.)
Sh: This is ridiculous.
Rb: Kevin, Blake, how would you describe what happened just now?
Kv: Wha, Really?
Bk: Yeah. What? You were feeling something different?
Bk: Like what?
Kv: Something more along the along the lines of really nice, hardcore cuddling. Nothing that went as far as… what even gave you that idea?
Bk: Just… just the way you were looking at me.
Kv: Oh. Wow, I didn’t realize I was shooting sex daggers out my eyes.
Bk: They weren’t so much sex daggers as they were “make sweet love to me” daggers, but yeah, I, that’s what I was getting.
Kv: From where?!
Bk: You’re face!
Sh: Shut up! All of you! Shut. Up. And. Listen. (She stands) You two are brothers, siblings, my children, and you will act as such. Do you understand? (They only stare. Kevin is in tears. Blake wants to go to him) Good. You. (Indicating Robert, who quite frankly is shocked) Move all of the stuff out of your home office. You can set the desktop up here and work from the kitchen. One of them is moving out of that little sex nest they’ve created. I’m sure there’s some kind of therapy we can get for them. (Kevin stands) Sit down, Kevin.
Sh: Why are you crying? You realize now that what you were doing is wrong? Come here, baby. Give mommy a hug.
Kv: Stop it, mommy. Stop it. You said I could be myself. You said you would support me. You said you’d always love me. You said you would never be like him, like dad. You lied, mama, you lied. (Shannon smacks him clear across the face. Beat. Kevin looks at his mother. She stares back, seething. Robert is about to say something when Blake lunges at Shannon and he is forced to come between the two of them.)
Bk: (*Incoherent roaring*)
Rb: Blake, please, stop.
Bk: Don’t you ever touch him again.
Rb: Blake! (He practically throws him down and shoves his wallet at him.) Go. Go get something to eat or something.
Bk: It’s gonna be okay, baby.
Kv: She’s no better than he is.
Bk: Everything’s gonna be okay.
Rb: Blake, go. (Kevin nods. Blake exits Robert crosses to the counter and picks up his car keys, which he hands to Kevin.) You as well; something to eat. (To Shannon) Don’t. (Kevin exits)
Sh: Why did you do that? Now they can run away with your credit cards and the car and do whatever the hell they want to,
Sh: How could you be so foolish? Couldn’t you see that you were setting them up to disobey me?
Sh: I am your wife we are supposed to put up a united front when our children misbehave, you,
Rb: Shannon! (She sputters, shocked) Are you through?
Rb: That’s okay. You can continue in a moment. I just wanted to let you know that if you ever hit one our children again, I will divorce you. (She is at a loss for words) I love you, Shannon. But I also love our boys, and I will not allow you to throw them out of their home or to abuse them. (He kisses the top of her head.) Hopefully they’ll be back soon, and when that happens, I want you to act civilly around them. I will call the police if you make it necessary. I love you, Shannie.
Sh: No you don’t.
(Peter’s garage. Run down couch, thrift store coffee table, empty pizza boxes and stacks of CD’s and DVD’s mix in with garage-y tools and equipment like hoses and a lawn mower. Kyle and Blake are on the couch. Music by Alex Day or Naomi King plays in the background)
Ky: So wait, he gave you the car and Kev the cash?
Bk: He probably thought we’d meet up and go someplace. Kev said he wanted to be with Beverly.
Bk: He said he needed her comfort. I understand. She was there for him when the stuff with his dad got really bad. She saw him through the prosecution and stuff. He needs her special brand of “everything’ll be alright”. He said he’d call me when he was ready.
Pt: Poor Kevie. Poor Blakie! (He hugs Blake) That must’ve been awful. Oh my gosh, I wish I could do something.
Bk: You are doing something, Pete, you all are. You’re being my friends.
Ch: (Offstage) Kyle!
Ch: Where’d you say the pita chips were?
Pt: Hold on! He doesn’t know where anything is in the kitchen.
Ky: This is true.
Pt: I’ll be right back. (He kisses the top of Blake’s head before scurrying off stage)
Bk: Tell me a happy story, Kyle.
Ky: I came out to my mom.
Bk: She take it well?
Ky: She was confused as hell! (He takes out his cellphone) I took a picture of his face. Here, look. (Blake looks at the photo and laughs.) She looks like I just ripped my face open to reveal a tiny little alien inside a robot body.
Bk: What the fuck? Why the hell is your mom so backwards about everything!? (Cheryl and Peter enter)
Ch: Salsa and chips to tide us over whole the cheesy fries bake.
Pt: What’s that picture?
Ky: Mom’s “my son is gay” face.
Pt: No, no, that’s her “my straight son is gay” face. She has yet to reveal to us her “my gay son is straight” face.
Ch: Am I the only one here with normal parents?
Ch: This is so stupid. I can’t believe she exploded just because she married your dad. The two of you were together first.
Bk: Thank you.
Pt: I hope Kevie’s okay.
Bk: I got him something.
Bk: I got him a fucking present. We’ve been steady for fifteen months. That’s the longest I’ve ever been in any kind of steady romantic relationship with someone and I wanted to get him something. “Thanks for putting up with my bullshit, Kev, and p.s.: sorry I can’t wrap gifts for shit.”
Ch: What’d you get him?
Ky: Yeah, what’s a year and three months? A cactus flower or somethin’?
Bk: That is a random-ass present.
Ky: ‘S a random-ass anniversary.
Ch: A year and three months is the steak and mutual blowjob anniversary.
Bk: Wait, so the steak isn’t mutual?
Pt: What’d you get him!?
Bk: A stupid hat. He’d been eyeing it in this shop downtown and I bought it a couple days ago. And, and he was disappointed when it disappeared from their display window. I was gonna cook and light candles and shit. And now none of that can happen because his mom blew a fucking gasket.
Ch: Oh, honey.
Pt: This is. The. Saddest. Thing.
Ky: Fuckin’ sucks.
Bk: I’m in love with him.
Bk: I’m in fucking love with him. I have been for a while, I guess. I didn’t realize it until I was sitting there in that kitchen with him, watching his face distort with fear. I wanted to go to him and hold him, whisper calming shit to him. I wanted to protect him, and I wanted to do that because I love him. (Tender moment. Ruined by Kyle)
Ky: But, you let him sleep with that Beverly chick.
Bk: Hey! That Beverly chick is my friend, and she happens to have great tits. Kevin can sleep with her whenever they want.
Pt: Is it odd that I find that incredibly romantic?
(These next two lines are said that the same time)
Bk: I’m gonna go back to the house.
Ch: That seems ill-advised.
Bk: Don’t care. I know Kevin will go back there, and I have to make sure he’s safe, and… and I have to tell him that I love him.
Pt: We’re available for backup.
Ky: Hell yeah!
(Beverly’s bedroom. A bed and a desk which serves mostly as a landing pad for her motorcycle equipment (helmet, leathers, boots, etc.) Bev and Kev are on the bed. His head is in her lap and she stroked his arm affectionately)
Bv: She hit you?
Kv: Yeah, she did, but… but it was only a slap, and it didn’t really hurt that much, and,
Bv: Kevin! Don’t you dare make excuses for her. You used to make excuses for him. Cut it out. She doesn’t deserve excuses. A victim of domestic abuse hit her child. What the fuck kind of sense does that make? What the hell, Shannon?! What the actual hell!?
Kv: Please don’t be mad at me. I can’t have more people I love be mad at me. Mom’s mad at me, Blake’s mad at me. You can’t be mad at me too.
Bv: I’m not mad at you, Kev…. Why’s Blake mad at you?
Kv: Because I came here instead of going with him someplace. I needed to talk to you.
Bv: Oh, honey, I’m sure Blake, (She sees how sad he is and readjusts her tactics) Y'know, it's too bad you and Blake are totally soul mates. You're cock's perfect for pussy.
Kv: (Laughing) Because it's short?
Bv: Yes, exactly! (Kevin laughs harder) It's not funny! Vaginas are shallow! Do you know how hard it is to find a guy with an appropriately-sized chub?! You stop laughing!
Kv: (Still laughing) Heheh, 'hard'.
Bv: For serious? (Kevin continues to laugh.) I made him laugh! I cheered him up!
Kv: Yeah you did, Bev. You always knew how to make me feel better. I love you.
Bv: I love you too, Kev.
Kv: You really think me and Blake are soul mates?
Bv: Have you seen the two of you?
Bv: Yeah, I guess that'd be kind of impossible, huh?
Kv: Just a little.
Bv: You’re going back there, aren’t you?
Kv: I have to. I can’t let my mom think I hate her.
Bv: I’ll give you a ride.
Kv: You can’t drive four-wheeled vehicles.
Bv: Legally. It’s stupid how much paperwork it takes to keep both. Come on.
(The stage is split between Shannon & Robert’s bedroom and Robert’s office. Spot on the bedroom first. Shannon lies on the bed facing the audience. Kevin enters up stage of the bed.)
Sh: Do you think I’m crazy, Robert? Maybe I am. Maybe I’m crazy. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. Kevin will never trust me again, and Blake hates me now, I can’t lose you too. Please don’t stop loving me. I was wrong. I was angry and I shouldn’t have been, and I shouldn’t have said what I said. I drove our children away and then I hurt you. Please hold me, Robert. Please. Don’t stop loving me.
Kv: I don’t hate you, mom.
Sh: Kevin! (They sit on the bed together) I… Kevin, I love you. I... I think that I reacted the way I did because, in my mind, I made the two of you brothers. I wanted the four of us to work better than our family had that I started thinking of us all as related. Robert was your father, and Blake was my baby. Seeing the two of you like that shook that ideal. It cracked the happy little world I’d created and that made me angry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry honey. I don’t know what else I can say. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Do ever think you could forgive me?
Sh: Oh, honey, (She goes to hug him. He flinches and she backs off. Lights switch to focus on Robert’s office. He sits at his desk shuffling papers. Blake enters.)
Rb: Blake. (They hug) Are you alright? Where’s Kevin?
Bk: With Beverly. He’s pretty shaken up.
Rb: Why didn’t you tell me?
Bk: About me and Kevin or the fact that I swing in all directions?
Rb: Both. All directions?
Bk: I subscribe to no one way of thinking. I didn’t tell you about that part because it wasn’t a big deal to me. It’s just a thing that’s true about me. Like my favorite flavor of ice cream or which version of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy I prefer. I guess it didn’t really cross my mind that you would want to know. I’m sorry.
Rb: I know your favorite ice cream flavor.
Bk: If only because I lacked the power to purchase it on my own for a significant portion of my life. I didn’t tell you about me and Kevin because I wasn’t sure how you would react.
Rb: Did you think I would reject you?
Bk: I dunno, maybe. I guess I did.
Rb: That was dumb.
Bk: Yeah, it was, wasn’t it? (They hug.)
Rb: I love you, Blake, I’ll always love you.
Bk: I love you, too dad. I’m sorry I lied to you for so long.
Rb: What’d you mean “so long”?
Bk: Me and Kevin have been together for longer than you and Shannon have.
Rb: We’re moving.
Rb: We’re moving. Shannie wasn’t very right before, but she did say something that made sense: you two can’t share a room if you’re going to be romantically involved. However, I’m not giving up my office. The kitchen has too much traffic. And I think it would be good for Shannie to have a sewing room.
Bk: Shannie? Dad you can’t be serious, she totally flipped out on us,
Rb: So we should walk out on her?
Bk: What if she hits Kevin again?
Rb: I don’t think she will.
Bk: How can you be sure?
Rb: I can’t Blake. The only thing I can really do is have faith in my wife and support her and my children and try to keep all of them safe.
(Blackout. Curtain. End.)